marriage · Thoughts · Working Mom

Midnight Thoughts: Marriage is Compromise, Fixing Myself.

I don’t even know why this popped in my head but it could be that I was scrolling through Instagram and happened to view this post…

compromise

Compromise is the first word I think of. When Chris and I first started dating, we argued about chores. Sounds crazy right? Well I had lived alone for a while before meeting him and I always did things when I wanted or had time. Chris had a small child at the time and so he had certain responsibilities that I did not. We did not see eye to eye on the responsibility of chores, we even went to seek counseling over our debate. I quickly learned that the issue was much deeper than we thought. I did not want to give up my freedom of choice (to do this chore or that chore) and I wanted to challenge Chris anytime he had any suggestions. I realized that I also wanted to be in control of something in my life…and I chose chores. Looking back at it and actually thinking about all of this made me realize how much Chris has compromised for our marriage, as I have done so too. We started talking about what we preferred to do instead of suggesting what we hated doing. We learned to compromise about who would wash the silverware and fold the socks…silly I know.

One other issue we had early on is that whenever we were watching a movie, I would also take that time to scroll through my phone. This irritated Chris so much because he wanted to spend time with me. Not sit and watch a movie as I appeared uninterested. I didn’t start to understand where he was coming from until he started to do the same thing and we would both end up not talking because we were so busy on our phones. We both chose to fix this about ourselves and we have really made an effort on both parts to participate in whatever activity we are doing instead of playing with our phones.

Over our 11 years of marriage, Chris and I have compromised so much. Maybe sacrifice is a better term or maybe they just go together. We have fixed ourselves because we know we deserve each other. This isn’t always easy because who wants to admit they have faults? Not I, but I will for the sake of our marriage and my own sanity. Chris proved himself completely early on and most recently when he exited the Active Duty Army. He made a compromise and decided he would take on the more active role at home with the kids. I mean what would people say when they would find out that Chris was now a stay at home dad and I was a full time working mom supporting the family?? We honestly don’t care. Chris fixed our situation to better fit our new lifestyle. I applaud him.

Had we not learned to compromise early on in our marriage or learned to “fix parts of ourselves” to better strengthen our marriage, who knows where we would be. We compromise on everything, from parenting our kids, spending or saving money, what we are having for dinner, who does which CHORE in the house, to who has to go pick up the kids after school. Every day we are compromising and if we had never learned to do that, we would not have worked out.

Do I find it weak to admit that I have had to fix myself because my partner deserves that? No. We are stronger because of this.

Do I have to completely change myself to make that other person love me or to keep them happy? No absolutely not.

I hear some people say “well he knew what he was getting into when he married me.” Well okay, but circumstances change. Kids change marriages and routines. New careers change marriages. Money changes marriages. But if we can learn to compromise, it makes for an easier transition.

I know personally which things I have had to fix. I will admit that one of my biggest faults was wanting to run away from arguments. I would shut down and not want to confront any situation because in my brain, I was always right so why bother dealing with it. That was one of the largest challenges that I have learned to over come. I fixed that about myself because it didn’t help anyone.

There is always room for improvement when it comes to marriage. I am never going to be absolutely perfect and neither is my husband. We will still continue to disagree on certain things but what I can say is that I am a willing participant in fixing…myself, as is Chris. Because after all we do deserve each other. ❤

**Early morning thoughts I tell you!**

 

 

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