Motherhood · Thoughts · Working Mom

Midnight Thoughts: Finding Myself Again?

Whew. This post might be all over the place but I started to think a lot about my life this month when I turned 38! That and I also recently went home for my 20th high school reunion. That brought back some great memories of who I was back when I was a teenager, then some thoughts on how I have grown as a person but most importantly, things I have stopped doing because I got way too busy.

I am a workaholic by nature. There I admit it. When work calls, I typically respond with a “yes I can come in.” But lately, I have been saying no a lot. Saying no because I have started to enjoy my free time a bit more. I watch more television *Netflix*, I listen to more music, & I read a lot more. I love reading autobiographies, any book by Nicholas Sparks or James Patterson, and I love reading blogs. I love these things so why not choose free time over making more money?

Who am I? I grew up in a small town surrounded by corn fields in the middle of the United States. I am from a small town called Rochelle, Illinois. It is about 20 minutes South of Dekalb, IL, home of the NIU Huskies. I was born into a traditional Mexican family, raised Catholic. Not sure where I fit in religiously anymore and I don’t feel ashamed to admit that. I am the youngest of three. I am a college graduate, I am a wife, a mother, an aunt, a sister, a cousin to so many!! I am a daughter of strong, hard working parents. I grew up around bonfires and railroad tracks.

I grew up listening to a variety of different music. My sister a huge fan of Bon Jovi and my brother who played Sublime on repeat. I love PRINCE or the artist formally known as Prince. I also enjoy bands such as Queen, Pink Floyd, and the Beatles. When I am angry I listen to Alternative Rock music. I can also get down to some old Rap songs too. Old meaning 2Pac and Biggie. I also listen to Spanish music. I am a fan of country music and most recently discovered a new artist I instantly fell in love with called LP. She is pop and Indie. Indie is making its way into my heart rather quickly.

I enjoy a glass or maybe two of Moscato di Asti, I love coffee,  I enjoy hosting parties, and discovered that I actually do enjoy karaoke although my voice is TERRIBLE. Did you know that I have only karaoke’d twice in my life and one of those times was recently when I went back home for my reunion? Why have I not done this more often? Have I mentioned Tacos? I love street tacos and Italian food. One day I wish to retire near the ocean in Italy. I love to cook but find myself making quick meals because again…LIFE GETS IN THE WAY. Well not anymore, I will make time.

I learned that life is too short. That is what I got out of my 20th high school reunion. I REPEAT…LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT.

As I get older each year I realize more and more that I have to start enjoying what makes me happy. At the beginning of this year I vowed to take more time off and I did. I took three vacations this year! Ask the old me and that would have never happened. I realize how quickly my kids are growing up. Our oldest already 19, middle child almost 11 in a week and our youngest, 9 years old. Where does the time go? I am a mother to three and sometimes that gets away from me because I get so busy worrying about paying bills, saving money, doing laundry, etc. My kids deserve me and I deserve time with them. So I am making more time for them.

My son asked me to go play on the swings with him today. He held my hand as he pulled me to the swings. That moment literally melted my heart and it opened my eyes. I need to enjoy life. My husband captured that moment because I think he hasn’t seen me on a play ground with our kids in years. That is so sad right? I got so caught up in work that I did not realize that my  kids were missing out. I am a fun mom, I just forgot how to be these past few years.


So this week I am going to purchase a karaoke machine, throw a party, go trick or treating, go out for coffee, and get my nails done. Did I mention that I love thrift shopping? I quit going this year because my focus was on purging our home and I have started to miss it. I also made the excuse that because we wear uniforms at work, I did not need to shop anymore. Pfftttt! I am going shopping this week too. Why is it that we limit ourselves or lose ourselves?

This day to day grind has to change. I need to find myself again. I need to make time for myself and do the things I enjoy. My husband bought me a drum set about 2 years ago and I have yet to learn how to play it. I keep saying I will and now it sits and collects dust. Just as I remind my kids to play their instruments, this mama is going to learn how to play the drums! No more excuses.

FIND THOSE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY AND DO THEM. That is going to be my motto for this following year. I am taking back who I AM.

Now you sit back and think about that one thing you let go doing because you got so busy with life, and now make time for it, because you deserve it!!

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